


you chose to turn the page

by freedomatsea



Series: Historical Pieces [6]
Category: Victoria (TV)
Genre: Adultery, F/M, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I ended up copping out and there wasn't smut like I intended, IF, May/December Relationship, Older Man/Younger Woman, Requited Unrequited Love, Set essentially during 2x03 with some adjustments, and yes the title is in reference to love never dies, isn't your thing don't read, no regrets there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-24 01:34:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13800576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freedomatsea/pseuds/freedomatsea
Summary: Victoria learns of Lord M's malaise and pays him a visit.





	you chose to turn the page

“You should have told me, Lord M.” Victoria said quietly as she sat across from him, her hands politely folded on her lap. “I am no longer a _child_. I do not need to be shielded from things such as this.”

He nodded a little, rubbing his thumb over her bottom lip as he looked just past her. “I… I didn’t wish to trouble you, Your Majesty.” He confessed. “It is only a _minor_ affliction.”

“That is _not_ what Albert told me.” Victoria met his gaze, her brows furrowing together. “He said that you were sat in Westminster Hall speaking quite somberly. Quite gravely. How ill are you, Lord M?”

He closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh. “Ill enough to question what I have actually done with my life. The prognosis is bleak, Ma’am. An affliction with no cure.”

“That _cannot_ be!” Victoria balled her hands into fists. “I refuse it. I _command_ it to not be true.”

Lord Melbourne chuckled. “If only it were that simple.” He offered her a sad smile then. “And I must confess, what was recommended to ease the symptoms was a fate nearly worse than the illness itself.” He leaned back in his seat, holding her gaze. “I never thought of you as a child.”

“There must be something that can be done.” She said quietly, running her hands over the folds of her skirt. “You must allow me to send the palace physician. Perhaps he will offer a cure.”

He pressed his lips together and shook his head. “I am _old_. These things come along with age. If not this – something else.”

“You are _not_ old Lord M!” She protested, but she knew that in truth, he was. She could see the weight of his life weighing heavily on his shoulders now and his eyes were no longer as bright as they’d once been. But still he was one of the most handsome men she’d ever seen, if not the most. “I can’t bear to lose you.”

“You have been doing splendidly without my aid this past year.” He remarked, arching a brow. “How is the younger Victoria?”

She laughed softly. “She quite looks like a toad.”

“A _toad_ , Your Majesty?”

Victoria nodded, another bout of laughter bubbling out of her. “Albert is quite cross about that comparison. But I’m afraid that’s all I can see when I look at her. A _toad_.”

“I suppose there are worse comparisons.” Lord Melbourne mused, “You know, I once saw a babe that looked quite like Sir Conroy. Just as pinched and drawn, I might add.” He remarked, joining in on her laughter.

“I have so missed you.” Victoria said quietly, “Your laughter. Your guidance. You always knew exactly what to say to ease my doubts.”

“Yes, well… I suppose your husband fills that role quite well now.” He suggested with a curious look.

Victoria bristled a little. “We have been quite at odds lately, I must confess. He’d happily see himself as King. During my confinement, he likened himself to one I believe. Once it ended, I found that he’d begun quite a few efforts without my knowledge and then attempted to _conceal_ them from me.” She huffed. “You were never like that, Lord M.”

He sighed quite heavily, sitting up a little straighter in his seat, though it was clear that it took considerable effort to do so. “Your Majesty, I don’t believe it wise to have this conversation with me. Perhaps one of your ladies would be better suited-”

“But you are my _friend_.” Victoria insisted. “I can only imagine what Duchess Buccleuch would say!” She shook her head. “Albert is quite intent that we should have a very large family. I should think he’d like to see me permanently in confinement so he could see to the government as he desires.” Her brows knit together as she met Lord Melbourne’s green eyes. She’d missed seeing them every day. More than she’d ever let herself acknowledge. “Would you have been like that, Lord M?”

His brows furrowed together. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.”

“If _we_ had married…”

“Your Majesty.” He warned, his cheeks flushing a soft pink, before he started to rise. “My physician was very determined that I should rest more throughout the day. I suppose I ought to follow that. It was so good to see you again-”

“Sit down.” Victoria commanded lightly, remaining seated as she looked up at him. “I was not finished speaking.”

“I am aware of that, Ma’am, but… this is not a conversation that I believe we should be having.”

Victoria rose then, stepping closer to him and reaching out to take his hands in hers. “You are so unsteady on your feet Lord M, won’t you please sit down again? I find that I am not ready to leave you yet.”

“You must cease this sort of conversation.” He studied her hands, rubbing his thumbs over the backs of them as he spoke. “Not only is it improper, but it is _cruel_.”

“Cruel?” Victoria whispered, looking up at him sadly.

“To imagine a life that we could have never lived.” He answered, holding her gaze. “Look at me. I would’ve been no use to you. I am so gravely ill and you, _Victoria_ – you are so full of life.”

Victoria lifted his hands to her lips, brushing them over each knuckle. “We would’ve made the best of the time we had. We would have been so happy.”

“Are you not happy now?” He questioned.

“Albert is sweet. He is a good man. We love each other very much, but… he isn’t _you_.” Victoria swallowed thickly around the lump she felt forming in her throat, the tell-tell prickle of tears in her eyes, threatening to fall. “It pains me to think of a world without you William.”

“It’ll be no different than this past year. You would hardly notice it. Decades might pass before you even realize that I have long since turned to dust beneath the soil.”

Victoria’s heart clenched painfully at the very thought of his demise. “You can’t be serious! You don’t seriously think that I wouldn’t mourn your loss for the remainder of my life.”

“I should think that mourning your former Prime Minster for any longer than a week would raise suspicions that there was far more than a fondness between us Your Majesty.” He pulled his hands from her hold, wavering slightly on his feet before he moved to sink back into his chair. “It would be wholly improper.”

“Was there more of a fondness between us?” Victoria questioned, her hands going to her hips as she looked down at him. “I should like to know the truth.”

“Is that a command?”

“Would you tell me the truth if it was?”

He ran his thumb over his bottom lip, turning his gaze towards the windows. “I should suppose I would have to. You are the Queen after all. You could send me to the Tower for lying.”  

“Did you love me?” The words rushed out of her lips and her heart trembled in anticipation for the answer.

“No.”

“ _No_?” Her cheeks burned hot with the sudden rush of embarrassment that came over her. Had she truly imagined it all?

He turned his head to look at her again, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “Perhaps you should like to rephrase that question, Ma’am.”

Her lashes fluttered and she drew in a shaky breath. “Rephrase it? How?”

“ _Do_.” Lord Melbourne said softly. “You asked if I _did_ , but I find that I still do.”

Victoria covered her mouth as she let out a sound that was half sob, half laugh. “Oh, Lord M.” She moved to kneel beside his chair, curling her fingers around his hand and resting her cheek against his knee. “Why did it have to go this way?”

“I was your Prime Minster and old enough to be your father twice over.” He explained, lifting his weaker hand to pet at her hair gently. “And the scandals that clung to my coattails would’ve only caused trouble for you.”

“It should’ve been you.” Victoria whispered.

He shook his head. “I’m afraid that things went just as they were meant to.” Lord Melbourne assured her. “You would’ve had no use for an ancient politician, Victoria. No one should be a widow so young. Especially not the Queen. Albert is well suited to you.”

“ _You_ were well suited to me.” Victoria pressed her lips to his hand again. “You would’ve never treated me as though my only purpose in life is to be a broodmare. I despise it all, William.”

“Ah,” He laughed a little. “Only because I have already endured those years of my life. Before you were even born Victoria. A Queen does need heirs. That is an unfortunate part of the duty.”

“But Elizabeth never bore heirs.” Victoria protested, lifting her gaze to meet his. “I had desired to model myself after her. And you my Leicester.”

“That love affair ended in betrayal in the end.” He reminded her, brushing his knuckles over her cheek gently. “Should any of my servants come in here, I’m afraid that the optics of _this_ looks quite poor.” Lord Melbourne remarked gently.

“I’m _tired_ of worrying about impropriety and the opinions of others, William. It is for that reason alone that you and I should find ourselves in this very position.” She rose slowly and with determination in her eyes. “What pains you Lord M?”

“What _pains_ me?” His brows knit together and he thought for a moment. “Mostly my head. The real struggle is that the left side of my body is rather lame.”

“Then if that is all, I should like to _pretend_.” She said resolutely, moving to place herself onto his lap.

“ _Victoria_!” He protested, his eyes widening. “You must not do this. This is adultery. _Treason_. You could ruin everything, Your Majesty.”

Victoria frowned, “It’s not treason if I am the one instigating it.” She cupped his cheek. “I want to forget everything else. Just for a little while.” She whispered, leaning in to brush her lips over his. For the briefest second she thought he’d rebuff her affections, but he responded in kind, his lips moving against hers. They had always been on the precipice of this, but the timing was never right. And now – it was too late.

“Lock the door.” He mumbled against her lips, skimming the fingers of his right hand along her neck as he leaned up to kiss her once more.

Victoria bumped her nose against his before she slipped from his lap, bounding across the room to lock them shut. He was right – if any of his servants interrupted this tryst, it would spell the end for her reign. Albert had worked to endear himself to Lord Peel in her absence and would no doubt gain their favor if it was discovered that she had been intimate with her former Prime Minister. The scrutiny would know no end.

“Lord Melbourne,” She started as she turned back towards him, watching as he moved from his chair to the settee across the room. Victoria moved quickly to his side, curling her arm around his waist. “Let me help you.”

“I’m quite capable,” He assured her. “I’m not an invalid yet.”

“I should think not.” Victoria released her hold on him, clutching her hands together as she watched him move slowly to the settee. “How poorly do you feel?” Perhaps this was a mistake.

“I find myself quite revived, Your Majesty.” Lord Melbourne informed her as he sat down on the settee, smoothing his hand over his hair as he looked up at her. “You’ve actually visited on a rather good day.”

“And on your worst days?” She questioned as she positioned herself beside him on the settee, raising her hand to cup his cheek, her fingers brushing over the rise of his cheekbone. His eyes seemed somewhat brighter now. A shimmer of youth there that she was all too familiar with.

“On my worst days, I’m afraid I do struggle with rising from bed.” He confessed. “If it’s not the thunderous pain in my head, it’s that my left side has gone completely useless.”

“And sometimes speaking is difficult, is it not?” She recalled how his voice had sounded different at her gala.

“I’m afraid so.” He nodded, resting his hand on her leg, over the layers of her skirt. “I thought we were meant to pretend, Victoria. Not comment on the woes of aging.”

“I must confess, I’m rather surprised you’ve chosen to go along with this.” She whispered, leaning in then to brush her lips over his once more.

“As am I, ma’am.” He mumbled against her mouth. “Perhaps _madness_ is part of my malaise.” William quipped, before he deepened the kiss, his fingers curling around the back of her neck.

Kissing Lord M was so unlike kissing Albert. She did adore and love her husband, but it was different. There was more to it with William. Something deeper that touched at the very fibers of her being. She should have thought herself a wretched wife to think that, but she couldn’t find it in her to.

His left hand rested at her waist, the heat of his touching burning through the layers of fabric and her corset. It was maddening – kissing him. He kissed her with such gentle, adoring passions, with something darker and more lustful just beneath the surface.

Victoria shifted closer to him, her fingers trailing over his exposed throat, glad she did not have to hassle with a cravat to find skin to touch. Her mouth slanted over his, their tongues meeting and dancing as they explored one another’s mouths. She broke away from the kiss, drawing in a ragged breath as she opened her eyes to meet his. “Once upon a time they called me Mrs. Melbourne you know. I believe they thought it an insult.”

“Given my woeful past, I believe it _was_ an insult.”

“I took pride in it.” Victoria informed him. “I relished in the very thought of being Mrs. Melbourne.”

“I believe _Her Majesty_ has a far more noble sound.” He teased as she moved to straddle his hips, his hands encircling her waist.

“I never felt like a queen around you,” She admitted, tracing her thumbs over the curve of his cheekbones, staring into his eyes. “I just felt like a _woman_. A woman very much in love with a man.” She kissed him again. “If I were your Mrs. Melbourne, what would you do with me?”

“Cherish you.” He answered easily, pressing a kiss to the underside of her jaw. “Is that what you wish to pretend, Victoria? That you are my wife?” William’s breath danced over throat, “ _Mrs. Melbourne_.”

“ _Yes_.” She nodded her head slowly, lifting her hand to wind her fingers through his hair. She had always wondered what it would feel like. There was so much she had always wondered. “I love you.” She whispered, scarcely audible.

He pressed his lips against the thrumming pulse of her throat, “And I you.”

Victoria ran her hands down his chest, fingers working to loosen the buttons of his shirt.

William caught her hands, holding them gently against his chest. “No one must know of this, Victoria. It will destroy everything you have built for yourself.”

“It will be _our_ secret.” She assured him. “I wouldn’t wish another scandal upon you now.”

“It is a scandal for _you_ that I worry about, Victoria.” He cupped her cheek, drawing her down for another kiss. “Are you sure?”

“Very.” Victoria smiled as she resumed her work on his buttons. “After all, there is only you and I – _husband_.” It was the cruelest and sweetest game of pretend.

“If only I could pretend to be a decade younger as well.” He remarked with a wry grin, slipping his hand around behind her to work at the laces of her dress. “Shall I leave the corset?”

She nodded, running her hands over his newly bared chest. “It’s quite the ordeal to get it on.”

“As resplendent as you look in this dress, I daresay there’s too much fabric.” He chuckled, pressing his hand against the volumes of fabric that was bunched up between their torsos.

“And you seem most revived.” She teased as she dislodged herself from his lap so she could hassle with removing her skirt.

“I find that _finally_ indulging in passion with the last love of your life is quite uplifting.” He smiled brightly at her as he watched her shed the layers of her skirts and petticoats, until she was left in just her thin drawers and corset, which left very little to the imagination. “You are beautiful Victoria. Albert is a lucky man.”

She pressed her finger to her lips. “There is no Albert in this.” Victoria reminded him as she returned to his lap, resting her hands on his shoulders. “There is only us. _Remember_?”

“Ah, _yes_. Of course.” He said as he ran his hands along the curve of her hips, causing desire to pool between her thighs as his touch set her aflame. “I am the lucky man who calls you _wife_.” He smirked at her, his green eyes glimmering with joy she hadn’t seen since before Albert had entered the picture. In another life that light would never have faded away and he would have always been at her side.

But neither could make time somehow bend to their desires. They could only take what they had left to give now and move forward from there. 

* * *

He was called Albert for his father, but the truth of his paternity was revealed to Victoria in his green eyes. He looked less of a toad and more of a prince. She knew that she ought to have felt ashamed to keep such a secret from her husband, but it was one that she promised to take to the grave. William knew the truth and that was all that mattered to her. He knew that his legacy would live on; that a life long-lived was not solely for naught. It was enough to keep him fighting against his affliction for seven more years.


End file.
